The Gift Itself:
- Rule #1: Remember that gift-giving is not really about the gift itself–it is about showing your recipient that you care about her enough to spend your time and money picking out something special for her that she will enjoy. It really is the thought that counts!
- Following the spirit of Rule #1, remember that gift giving isn’t about you, the giver–it is about your recipient. If you absolutely love the gift, buy it for yourself. If your recipient will love the gift, buy it for him–otherwise, don’t impose your own tastes on someone under the guise of a gift.
- Further, don’t give self-interested gifts, like perfume that you like but your recipient hates. This conveys to your recipient that you care more about the benefit you derive from the gift than the one he gets, and it violates rule #1. However, this rule can be broken covertly by giving a gift that your recipient will enjoy that also benefits you (e.g. a day at the spa for the two of you, or a vacation for you both to a place she will enjoy).
- Gift giving isn't about going into debt. You can find a great gift in your price range, no matter what that range may be. The Gift Guru is here to help you do just that!
- You don’t always have to give an awesome gift–sometimes just a regular gift is okay.
- Never use gifts to manipulate or seek love. A gift should be an expression of love and affection, not a desperate attempt to get something from your recipient. This is especially applicable for apology gifts–these gifts can be a nice gesture to show that you’re sorry, but don't try to buy your recipient’s forgiveness.
- Unless you know for sure that your recipient is willing to invest in the item (or buy it for themselves), don’t give a gift that requires her to pay for continued use of the item. For example, don’t buy a smartphone that sticks your recipient with a hefty monthly bill, unless you’re positive that he has the means and desire to pay it.
- Don't clutter up your recipient's life with your gift. A stuffed animal may look cute in the store, but most 15 year olds don’t need a plush toy. Similarly, an elephant figurine might be the perfect gift for someone who collects such items, but will just gather dust and weird looks when given to most people.
- Sometimes giving the same gift over and over is perfect. When your recipient knows you will give it to her and anticipates it each year, that may be the most thoughtful gift you can give. But a word to the wise: make sure that she really likes it! You don’t want to have your recipient dread your gift each year because she doesn’t actually like fruitcake but is afraid to hurt your feelings by telling you. Gifts in this category could include a yearly subscription to a magazine, a collectible figurine, or a new charm for a charm bracelet.
- Gift certificates (or cards) are okay! Try not to take the easy way out and use gift certificates as a substitute for choosing a personal gift, but sometimes a gift certificate is the best choice (or you just need a quick and easy gift). Just make sure you get one to a place your recipient will actually go, and not just some random store that is on your way to the party.
- In the same vein, preloaded debit cards are a great solution. They offer more freedom than a gift certificate because they are essentially a cash equivalent, but they avoid the problem some people have with giving cash.
- Don’t be afraid to give “unpopular” gifts (like fruitcake) if your recipient truly likes it. Just make sure that he really does enjoy it, and isn’t just being nice!
- Gifts can be practical, especially if your recipient needs the item and can’t/won’t buy it for herself. However, often the best gifts are indulgences and/or surprises for your recipient, such as things she has forgotten about, wants but can’t or won’t buy for herself, or hasn’t even thought of.
- Nostalgic items (evoking only good memories) are always great! Such gifts might include pictures, maps, travel mementos, old greeting cards, or personal notes.
- If you can't afford to give or buy all of the gift at once (e.g. a large collection), you can buy and give it over time, like for different wedding showers, birthdays, Christmases, Valentines, etc.
- Use your skills to give a great and personal gift that is probably cheaper than what you could buy. Examples of great DIY gifts are web design, woodworking, home improvement or repair, calligraphy, organization, and cooking. If you can do it, someone else needs it!
- It’s okay to use coupons, points, or miles to buy the gift. It can allow you to either save money or get more for the amount you planned to spend, and no one will fault you for getting more for less!
- Use RetailMeNot.com or do an Internet search for discounts and special offers. Also make regular visits to Gift Giving Guru for special promotions and giveaways!
- Try to pick out and order or buy your gift at least 6 weeks in advance. This allows time for production, shipping, and possible delays, and gives you some breathing room.
Your Recipient:
- Rule #2: If your recipient tells you what they want, get that! This is the reason that registries are your best friend. Don’t feel bound to them, but generally trust that the person knows what they need or want better than you do! You may also want to ask your recipient’s family or friends if recipient has given them gift suggestions.
- Listen to your recipient's requests and suggestions: don't tell her "you really want this instead" or substitute your preferences for his (unless you are getting something nicer than he asked for, and then only if he would appreciate the upgrade). People often have very specific reasons for wanting a certain product/item/color, and not respecting their wishes makes the gift more about you than about them.
- Observe what your recipient buys for himself and drops hints about (either intentionally or unintentionally). Most people want to help you get them a great gift, or at least are likely to talk about items they find interesting or helpful and would enjoy having.
- Know your recipient and use that knowledge to choose a gift that is relevant and interesting to him. Does she love gardening? Maybe she would like a subscription to a gardening magazine, or a new set of gardening tools. Is he an amateur photographer? Perhaps he could use a new camera, a voucher for digital printing, or would love some new gadgets. Think about the things that make your recipient break into a huge smile or talk about for hours – these things are likely their passions, and who doesn’t love indulging in the things they love the most?
- Figure out your recipient’s love languages and use that knowledge to find a great gift that will have maximum impact on him. The love languages, which explain the ways that people give and receive love most effectively, are 1) words of affirmation, 2) physical touch, 3) quality time, 4) acts of service, and 5) gifts. In my experience, most people seem to have one or two overriding love languages. Giving a gift that corresponds to your recipient’s love language(s) will make them feel extra-special and extra-loved. For example, if your recipient’s primary love language is acts of service, you might consider washing his car or giving her a spa gift certificate. If her love language is quality time, concert or theater tickets for the two of you might be just the thing.
