Wedding season brings its own unique gift challenges, but the Gift Guru is here to ensure that you enter this year's season of love prepared for any wedding, shower, or party your engaged recipients may throw at you. My brother, B, is getting married at the end of April to K, and I am very much looking forward to their wedding and all of the events preceding it. Rest assured that I will be taking much of my own advice when it comes to gift giving in the coming months.
Today, we will focus on the wedding shower (wedding gifts will be covered soon). Wedding showers used to be known exclusively as "bridal showers," presumably because they were only for the bride. You knew exactly what to expect (at least in the South) - a Sunday afternoon gathering in the church parlor with butter mints, Sprite-based punch, lots of lace, and gifts of towels, china, and linens. Nowadays, wedding showers know no bounds. There are couples showers, which both the bride and groom attend, in addition to the traditional bride-only showers (I'm sure that someone has thrown a groom-only shower, but I only know these gatherings in the form of bachelor parties, so I am omitting them here). There are linen showers, stock-the-bar showers, around-the-clock showers, entertainment showers, lawn and garden showers, gift card showers, book showers, lingerie showers, travel showers, culinary showers, spa/pampering showers - the sky is truly the limit. Regardless of the type of shower you are attending, here are some basic etiquette tips and gift suggestions to get you started.
According to The Knot, it is proper etiquette to give a gift both at the shower and at the wedding (see their full explanation here). You may choose to give a smaller gift at the shower and save a larger gift for the wedding, but the choice is yours. If you happen to be invited to multiple showers (which you shouldn't be), WedNet says that you need not give a gift at all of them, or even attend them all. Feel free to choose a gift for one shower and simply attend the others or bring a nice card with a warm message inside. You might also decide to bring smaller gifts to multiple showers rather than a larger gift to a single shower. One exception to the one-shower-gift rule is if you are a close relative of the bride or groom, such as a mother or aunt, in which case you may wish to give gifts at each shower. In this situation, you might want to buy a set or the entire quantity of a requested item (like plates or place settings) and give one or two pieces at each shower.
Most couples these days have registries at one or more stores, and these can greatly simplify your gift choices. But remember that registries are actually just "suggestions" for gifts, and you are not bound to them when choosing a present. If the shower invitation doesn't include registry information, search for it at The Knot or Bed Bath & Beyond, or ask someone close to the couple where they are registered. Personally, I prefer to err on the side of caution by choosing something from the registry unless I am very close to the couple, know of something specific they would like that's not on their registry, have access to a gift they would like but can't get, or find a great gift that I just can't pass up. I try to avoid cutesy items, gifts that are only relevant to the wedding (such as a bag that says "Bride"), and items that are too personal (like sheets). My rule of thumb is that unless I know the recipient(s) well enough that we exchange gifts on other occasions like birthdays and holidays, I usually just stick to the registries.
If you have lots of events to attend for multiple people, you might want to choose a staple gift to make your life easier. If you go this route, make sure that the gift is something that almost everyone would appreciate and probably didn't register for. My mother regularly gives quesadilla makers as wedding gifts, and they seem to be a big hit - they are easy to use, work for people of all taste preferences, and most people haven't thought of registering for them (and probably didn't realize that they existed). Other gifts that might be appropriate staples are Nap blankets from Brookstone (which are buy one get one 50% off right now), a set of nice towels in a neutral color (getting them monogrammed is a nice touch), or candlesticks with candles. If you find them on sale, stock up and make your life easier the next time you need a wedding gift.
*A Gift Guru word of warning: always make sure that your recipient will enjoy the gift. If you usually give an engraved cocktail shaker and top-shelf liquor, for example, choose another gift for the teetotaler couple.
No matter what marital gathering you need a gift for, several websites are a great place to start.
According to The Knot, it is proper etiquette to give a gift both at the shower and at the wedding (see their full explanation here). You may choose to give a smaller gift at the shower and save a larger gift for the wedding, but the choice is yours. If you happen to be invited to multiple showers (which you shouldn't be), WedNet says that you need not give a gift at all of them, or even attend them all. Feel free to choose a gift for one shower and simply attend the others or bring a nice card with a warm message inside. You might also decide to bring smaller gifts to multiple showers rather than a larger gift to a single shower. One exception to the one-shower-gift rule is if you are a close relative of the bride or groom, such as a mother or aunt, in which case you may wish to give gifts at each shower. In this situation, you might want to buy a set or the entire quantity of a requested item (like plates or place settings) and give one or two pieces at each shower.
Most couples these days have registries at one or more stores, and these can greatly simplify your gift choices. But remember that registries are actually just "suggestions" for gifts, and you are not bound to them when choosing a present. If the shower invitation doesn't include registry information, search for it at The Knot or Bed Bath & Beyond, or ask someone close to the couple where they are registered. Personally, I prefer to err on the side of caution by choosing something from the registry unless I am very close to the couple, know of something specific they would like that's not on their registry, have access to a gift they would like but can't get, or find a great gift that I just can't pass up. I try to avoid cutesy items, gifts that are only relevant to the wedding (such as a bag that says "Bride"), and items that are too personal (like sheets). My rule of thumb is that unless I know the recipient(s) well enough that we exchange gifts on other occasions like birthdays and holidays, I usually just stick to the registries.
If you have lots of events to attend for multiple people, you might want to choose a staple gift to make your life easier. If you go this route, make sure that the gift is something that almost everyone would appreciate and probably didn't register for. My mother regularly gives quesadilla makers as wedding gifts, and they seem to be a big hit - they are easy to use, work for people of all taste preferences, and most people haven't thought of registering for them (and probably didn't realize that they existed). Other gifts that might be appropriate staples are Nap blankets from Brookstone (which are buy one get one 50% off right now), a set of nice towels in a neutral color (getting them monogrammed is a nice touch), or candlesticks with candles. If you find them on sale, stock up and make your life easier the next time you need a wedding gift.
*A Gift Guru word of warning: always make sure that your recipient will enjoy the gift. If you usually give an engraved cocktail shaker and top-shelf liquor, for example, choose another gift for the teetotaler couple.
No matter what marital gathering you need a gift for, several websites are a great place to start.
- The Knot is wholly devoted to all things weddings. It is primarily a resource for brides, but also offers some great gift ideas and etiquette tips for guests. It allows couples to create their own wedding webpage with information about the ceremony, reception, and their registries, making it the most likely location for finding wedding registries for your recipients.
- The Wedding Channel Store is geared more toward those throwing the wedding, but also has some gift suggestions for guests.
- Bridal Shower Etc. offers tips for planning showers and giving thoughtful gifts.
In addition to the registries, here are some ideas for all of your wedding event needs:
- Anything with her/their new monogram: this could include a scarf/pashmina, towels or linens, doormat, coasters, ice bucket, serving tray, or placemats. Be sure that the bride is changing her name before you give this kind of gift. If not, consider using the couple's first names or initials instead.
- Stationery: in the same vein as monograms, every bride loves personalized items to take her into married life. You could give notecards, personalized stamps and stamp pads, notepads, or traditional stationery sheets, either with her new monogram or both their names. Choose something age appropriate that can be used for formal correspondence or a quick note to a friend.
- Drinkware: everyone needs nice glasses for special occasions or formal dinners. You can't go wrong with traditional wine or highball glasses. If the couple has registered for these items, you might choose something more specific, like martini or margarita glasses.
- Beverages: a nice bottle of wine/champagne or spirits is a thoughtful gift, especially for first-time homeowners or the newly independent couple. Combine with glasses or coasters for a sure hit.
- A massage or spa gift certificate: every bride (and non-bride, for that matter) could use a time of relaxation and pampering to have her stress lifted and energy renewed. If their honeymoon would accommodate it, you might even want to give them a couples massage for when they arrive.
- Group Gifts: if you can't afford the gift you want on your own, ask other attendees who you are close to if they want to go in with you to get a more expensive gift, such as fine china, expensive cookware, or a nice appliance.
- Gift Baskets: if you can't think of one big gift or narrow down your gift ideas, consider making a gift basket. Start with a nice basket the couple can use later, line it with fabric or tissue paper, and start filling. You might pick a theme (such as honeymoon, kitchen, or laundry) or just assemble various items you find interesting or helpful. You could also choose a favorite recipe and give the dishes and utensils used to make it, along with the recipe itself.
- Services: if you are especially good at something, give the gift of your talent. This might include calligraphy, sewing, drawing, painting, pet or house sitting, or gardening. If you can do it well, consider gifting it to the newlyweds. But remember: only give a gift that you think they will really appreciate, and not one that will potentially cause problems or hurt feelings (i.e. don't offer to take their wedding photos if they already have the perfect photographer booked).
- Books: a first edition of their favorite book, a book about their honeymoon destination or wedding location, or a quick and simple cookbook for a new chef can make a great present. Consider giving a bundle of books if you feel like one isn't enough, or choose one book and combine it with another gift (like a basket of goodies).
- Games: for a fun-loving couple or frequent entertainers, a game could be the perfect gift. Fun items are often overlooked as wedding gifts but are much-appreciated by couples. Consider games like Cranium, Apples to Apples, Jenga, or Banana Grams, or a card set with chips. Pair with a card table for an all-around gift of fun!
- Gift Cards: If everything left on the registry is out of your price range, you don't see anything you want to give, or you are simply at a loss, you can't go wrong with a gift card. They are less personal than a traditional gift but much more appreciated than a random present that is destined to gather dust. Pick up a gift card from a store where they are registered, a favorite restaurant or unique experience, or a home outfitter like Bed Bath & Beyond, Target, Pottery Barn, or Crate & Barrel.
As a special treat for Gift Giving Guru readers, here are some wedding-related discounts:
- Save 10% site-wide, 15% on orders of $80+, and 20% when you spend $125+ with this offer from Red Envelope, which offers unique and personalized products perfect for a wedding shower. Enter REDTIER at checkout.
- Take 20% off your order at Linens 'N Things through January 18 with the code WHITE20.
- Save 25% when you spend $250+ at Exclusively Weddings through March 31.
- Bed Bath & Beyond, where most couples seem to register, routinely sends coupons for 20% a single item to members of their mailing list. I often use these coupons to purchase wedding and shower gifts, and most cashiers will let you use them even if they have expired. Sign up here.
What are your favorite shower gifts to give or receive?
My favorite wedding gifts were a monogrammed shower curtain and a rice steamer. I would second your suggestion to stick to the registry unless it is something you truly know the couple would use. You can't go wrong with fun monogrammed items! Finally, always include a gift receipt in the event the couple gets duplicate gifts!
ReplyDeleteGreat ideas, Caitlin! And thanks for the reminder about gift receipts!
ReplyDelete